So as promised… frenemies!

What is a frenemy?

Well, the New Oxford American dictionary terms it; “Frenemy (alternately spelled “frienemy“) is a portmanteau of “friend“and “enemy” that can refer to either an enemy disguised as a friend or to a partner who is simultaneously a competitor and rival.”

I think we can all agree we fall in the latter category, I personally have never had a spy friend, at least not that I know of. Friends, however, that, beyond themselves, just can’t handle your success, your happiness, or more extreme I suppose, are envious, and maybe even jealous. And, I’m not talking about the kind of jealousy of wanting what you have (materialistically speaking), no it’s a jealousy that is much more unconscious, much more profound than that.

It’s difficult to explain, but it’s very raw, and at the core of all of us. Of wanting to be loved, and accepted, and needed, and acknowledge, and I guess when we feel like we don’t possess those qualities, the friends that do, become very distasteful to us. And, the relationship unravels into pettiness.  And, don’t get me wrong, there are always two sides to a story, and two to fight, but having said that it’s not always easy to take the high road(which will be the subject of my next blog). I’ve honestly just started taking the bumpy road filled with pot holes, and mud, and forgiveness, in most part thanks to my husband and kids. Before them, I enjoyed the spiteful, vengeful grudge. It was much easier than to admit my feelings were hurt, or worse that I might have been wrong.

I guess, what I’m trying to say is that once you’ve realized the underlying essence behind the frenemy you feel a little less judgemental, a little less angry maybe, it doesn’t mean you want that person in your life, but it might make you a little less sad.

In any case, like my good friend said today, friendships change over time, some evolve, some break, some reminisce, so long as you stay true to yourself.




4 thoughts on “FRENEMIS

  1. While I agree with portions of your posting, I have to say that in my personal experience, I’ve dealt with both types of “frenimies” in my past. Especially in business.

    There are many of us who do not possess the “luxury” of being able to remove ourselves from either or both. Somehow, we learn to be happy in our own skins and understand that their problems are just that. Theirs. In that, lies freedom and the ability to live our own lives without carrying the baggage that others would thrust upon us (or that we decide to carry for them).

    I believe these people are important in our lives. As we get older, the challenges of finding peace among “frenemies” allows us to become more tolerant, pateint and kind.

    Thank you for the blog, it was thought provoking.

    • Thank you for the reply. I totally agree with you, it’s true, frenemis do make us better people. There was a time I could have never admitted to that, but in hindsight it has taught me exactly what you said, tolerance, patience, and absolutely, kindness. I’ve had the opportunity, as well, to meet people in the workplace that really just sucked the life out of me, at the time I really just hated them, they made me miserable, and I had to leave. It would be a nice experience to return today, knowing what I know now, I think I would handle it differently…but, isn’t it always the case!!! 😉
      Keep in touch

  2. So, looks like I missed this one when you posted it. Priceless !
    Curious though to know who’s the friend who made the comment to you on July 17th. Sounds familiar?!

    On the flip side of things..not to bring back that dark horse or anything but I think we can “grow” all we want from experiences with Frenemies and so forth such as “life” But a little part of you always has to keep the fight in you, just a bit 🙂

    What I mean is NOT HOLD ON but to kind of “remind youself every now and then”. Question of “keeping the fight for livin’ the life alive” a touch of “piquante” !!! If you know what I mean.

    We say or like to think we forgive and forget and move on…but if we forgot all together then we couldn’t remember who we have become 🙂

    Just my two cents to add to all the great comments above !


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